Look at the Garden

Plants that are beautiful can have underlying venom that kills a bit of you every time you touch them.

My on again off again relationship with the D/s community was slowly but surely growing into a fling. I found myself interacting more and more with a few Doms that understood that I was still just entering into this world. However, the first actual, consensual D/s relationship was not with one of these ‘respectful’ Doms. It was with a very hot man that I found so attractive that I wanted to basically do anything he wanted, whenever he wanted. That was my downfall.

You see any true Dom will tell you that they are the protection between a sub and their downfalls. They push when necessary but never when it is unsafe for the little sub’s physical or mental health. This was not the case for the Master I had chosen.

While at home things were fine - I did the things that he asked, with pleasure. Posed in the positions he wanted, used the word cunt to myself rather than my preferred word of choice, pussy. He used me over the phone as he saw fit, and I was happy to do all of this. However, when I was grocery shopping, he wanted me to call myself slut, cunt, and a variety of other things while on the phone with him. It was not because he wanted to push me, it was simply because he wanted me to feel the embarrassment and the public humiliation. He would wait until I was checking out and have me say these things.

I’ll be the first to tell you that there is public humiliation, and then there is PUBLIC HUMILIATION. As a Dom, there is a difference between public humiliations when you are with your sub and just public humiliation. In this instance it was simply for him to ‘knock me down’. As I’ve stated before, I have a public persona that is much different than my private life. However, when I am with (as in the presence of) my Master/Sir, I am much more willing to have public humiliation done. He would know the situation, the players and the outcome – then deem it worthy or not of play.

I may just be a different bread of submissive, but I have a hard time swallowing things that are done just for the purity to knock a person down. In my own experiences I have found that those women or men that are strong willed in life understand what they are giving up when they submit. It has always made for a more attractive submission when used correctly.

When public humiliation is used as a way to break a person into submission I personally feel it is wrong. Though, I let it continue for a while because, at the time, I thought that was what submission was. In me was the need to submit, but at this time, there was a gut feeling that told me it was wrong. So I ran. Looking back I realized that this was the right thing to do. If I were to still be in that relationship, all my public contacts and responsibilities would be nonexistent. And like some poor subs that I know of, I would be completely monetarily reliant on my Master/Sir something any sub or slave should never be.

-niccy