The difference between a Sir and a boyfriend

Many people wonder what draws one to the choice of distinguishing the difference between a Sir or boyfriend. There have been many times when I myself have had a hard time distinguishing the lines: as there are a lot of lines that blur while considering a D/s or M/s relationship. I’ve even had a few people tell me that there is not a need to classify who you are. You can simply be you while having freaky sex. And while I do agree with this, I’ve found – and this is my opinion – that when the roles are not defined, many times messages get mixed. Feelings twisted. And the heart breaks. However, they all are relationships, and yes, many D/s M/s relationships don’t work out either. Though, it’s rarely because the two individuals didn’t understand the mixed messages that they were sending each other. The distinct clarity of who is who in the relationship brings a measure of order.

At another time I will discuss the emotional need for a pecking order and how out of balance society has become by their blatant ignoring of this balance. But for now I will say that we all have a desire to know our place.

In the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, from my experience – there is an equal partnership that really has no definition of who wears the pants. I’ll give you an example. While talking to my brother recently, he expressed to me his anguish over his wife’s direction in life. How she seemed to still want a party life but they now have a beautiful child. I asked him how she would react if he told her that they needed to move away from that lifestyle. He related that she would lash out and party even more because, ‘no one can hold her down.’ To which I replied and asked if it would be good for the family for her to cut back. He nodded and agreed that it would, but when I pressed the issue of who is the ‘head’ of the house; he stated just as plain as day, ‘we both have a leg in the family pants.’

In a Dominate submissive relationship one person takes the lead. Both of his or her legs are in the pants, there is no way the direction can be split. The Dominate – whether male or female – is taking on the role of protector, decision maker, and the responsibilities that that entails. While the other, the submissive – being liberated from that responsibility – can grow and blossom into the person that they truly are.

When these roles are clearly defined, life is simpler. The relationship is still a relationship; much like regular boyfriend/girlfriend interactions. However, the bottom line is this: when the submissive trusts the Dominate his decisions are final. And while sex is not always a part of a D/s relationship, there are still ways of proving your obedience to a Sir. Whether that is in an exhibitionist manner or a private affair – these demonstrations are wherein the fun lies.